Euro 2028 tickets already available, insists man at folding table

Published 23:47 GMT   |   By our very special correspondent

A ticket office in Reading has begun selling Euro 2028 tickets from a folding table. Its proprietor, Derek, admits he has no connection to the tournament but says he has already put the kettle on.

For £45, supporters receive a numbered chair in Derek’s conservatory, an orange segment and a promise that Portugal will be along shortly. Restricted-view seats face the airing cupboard.

One customer has been waiting since June. ‘The atmosphere is excellent,’ he said. ‘Derek’s wife has asked us to leave six times.’

Refunds are available on presentation of the original ticket and written confirmation from the year 2028. The office closes at five, or whenever Derek is called in for his tea.

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